Apple Pie

The first time I attempted pie I vowed I'd never go through the torture a second time. Obviously, I lied. I stuck it out, had many disasters and countless pie crusts were 'pieced' together. You know what? When it's baked and smelling absolutely divine, who really cares?! This recipe fits a 10" pie plate.

Pie Filling

6 - 8 apples
1/2 cup flour
Pinch of salt
1/2 - 3/4 cup sugar
2 tbsp milk
1-2 tsp cinnamon

1. Peel, core and slice the apples. I use Mac, Spartan, Granny Smith but stay away from Red Delicious because they shrink too much when they're baked. 
2. Toss apples in remaining ingredients. For the sugar, I usually eat an apple slice and determine how tart or sweet the apples are and then adjust the added sugar accordingly. I never measure the cinnamon. I just keep sprinkling until it looks like apple pie filling. 

Pie Crust
I got this off a box of Tenderflake Lard years ago. When I made this particular pie (I hadn't made one in years), I noticed the recipe on the box was different. I've also used Crisco Shortening, but I find the dough harder to work with. Maybe I was having a bad day? Sometimes pie crust does that. It could be raining in Kazakhstan and all of a sudden your pie crust freaks out. Can't help you there.

5 1/2 cups white flour
2 tsp salt
1 lb (1 package) shortening or lard
1 tbsp vinegar
1 egg
Cold water

1.  Mix together flour and salt
2. Cut in shortening. You can use a pastry blender, a large fork or a potato masher. Usually part-way through I give up on utensils altogether and use my hands. A faux pas, I realize, but I'm just not that coordinated. When it's finished, it should be crumbly.
3. In a measuring cup, mix the vinegar and the egg. Add enough water to make one cup.
4. Add about 3/4 of the liquid to the dough and mix together. If its not sticking together, keep adding small amounts of liquid. You want it to just barely stick together. If the dough is too wet, you'll end up with a tough crust. The less liquid you use, the flakier your crust will be.
5. Divide the dough into 5 equal-sized balls. You have enough dough for 2 double crust and one single crust pie. If you're really good, you can divide the dough into 6 portions. I'm just not that good ;)
6. At this point, you can wrap the extra dough in plastic and then put it into a freezer bag and throw it in the freezer in the event you ever want to attempt to make another pie.

Rolling out the Dough
So far so good, right? Unfortunately, the worst is yet to come. This is where, after the first attempt at pie-making, many people give up and run to Safeway. There are countless tricks and different ways of rolling out the dough and successfully getting it into the pie dish. This is how I get the dough from Point A to Point B.

1. Run a dampened cloth over your countertop and immediately spread a piece of wax paper over it. It keeps the wax paper from sliding all over the place.
2. Sprinkle flour over the wax paper. Roll the rolling pin over the flour you just sprinkled. Make sure the rolling pin is well-coated in flour. 
3. Place the dough on the wax paper and give it a good slap. You know you want to. You're about to get very angry with it. You might as well slap it at the beginning and be done with it. Seriously, flatten it with your hand and sprinkle flour over the top.
4. Begin rolling out the dough. Don't use a back and forth motion. Always start from the centre and roll towards the edges. Lift the rolling pin off the dough and start in the centre and roll out each time. Sprinkle more flour along the way, over every inch of the counter, your face, the cutlery drawer, the kitchen floor and halfway down the hall. In other words, never bake pies after you've cleaned the house. Pies first, then clean the house. 
5. Keep rolling the dough until it's several inches bigger than the pie plate. Fold it lightly in half and then in half again. Lift it gently into the pie plate, centering your 'triangle' of dough in one 1/4 of the pie plate. Unfold the dough, and voila, your dough has made if from Point A to Point B. Put a few slits the bottom of the crust with a knife. This should keep it from blowing bubbles when it bakes.
6. Add your pie filling and then start all over again at Step 1.
7. Fold the top crust under the bottom crust all the way around the edges and then flute them. You can clarinet them if you like, but it might not work as well. I don't know how to explain fluting. Google it!
8. Stab your pretty pie crust with a knife. Not because you hate the pie crust and want to kill it. It needs some steam vents.
9. Take a pastry brush and brush water over the top and then sprinkle sugar.
10. Bake at 350 F (180°C) until it's golden brown. Can't give you a time. Anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours? Just keep watching it.
11. Try to let the pie cool a little bit before slicing to let the filling set.