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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

This afternoon as I was taking a patient's blood pressure, our conversation went something like this:
"I have such nice, slender arms, don't I?"
"Of course", I replied. "
She smiled. "Your arms are much fatter than mine. They're toned though, so it's not too bad, but mine are still smaller."
As I walked down the hallway towards the nursing station, I briefly glanced down at my arms and wondered, "Do I look fat?"

The comparison game. We have all played it at some time or another, some of us more than others, but I would dare to predict that each one of us would admit that at least once during our lifetime, we have measured ourselves by someone else's measuring tape. The remarkable thing about this particular conversation is that my patient was well past ninety years of age and diagnosed with dementia. Yet, even at this stage of life and in this frame of mind, the need to compare herself with another has persisted. I find this fascinating, but also a little bit sad and a little bit disturbing.

I have a mirror that hangs on a wall in my bedroom (except for the first day I hung it on the wall and it came crashing to the floor at 5am and I realized I should never attempt anything handyman-related but should always call my dad). I am compelled to look into it every day. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, show me each and every flaw". It faithfully tells me my nose is too big, my mouth is too small, my ears are too crooked, my skin is too oily, my pores are too big, my eyelashes are too short, my body is too chubby and no wonder I can't find anyone to marry me because I am just that ugly. Those of you who know me are likely shocked that I would have such a mirror and surely it must be a mistake. I would go as far to suggest that no one has observed any of these characteristics that I so ashamedly display on a daily basis. Yet they must be real because my mirror tells me so. After all, the mirror doesn't lie. Or does it?

A very long time ago, in a far away place, there grew a garden. In that garden perfection dwelt. The perfect man. The perfect woman. Perfect beauty. Perfect relationship with a perfect Creator. You all know the story of how shame entered the human race. What you may have never realized is that something else happened on that day. (Don't make me quote a Biblical reference for this!) All the mirrors from that day forth were affected in such a way that when one gazed upon its reflection, instead of portraying what really was, it took into account every hurtful word, every criticism, every negative thought, every abusive act, every lie that taunted 'you're not enough' and so created a filter that essentially removed all that was beautiful and good. As if this wasn't tragic enough, it also created such a lure, a desire so compelling, to keep looking into that reflection, so that every time the created one passed by the mirror, she couldn't help but pause, if only for a moment, just to be reminded one more time, that she was not enough.

It is a very good thing that the story does not end here. There is a way to break the curse of the enchanted mirror. Heaven knew that many thousands of years later, beautiful creation would still be under it's evil spell. These words were penned...

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully* and wonderfully** made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well...the king is enthralled by your beauty. All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. In embroidered garments she is led to the king." (Psalm 139&45)

Every time these words are spoken in the face of the mirror's reflection, every time she allows these words to penetrate her spirit, truth begins to destroy the cursed filter and one day she wakes up to discover a true reflection of beauty and worth.

The King of Heaven finds you magnificently beautiful. You take His breath away. He pauses to look at you before you awaken, whispering words of love into your ear. His gaze follows you all day long until the moon hits your face as your eyes close in sleep. The angels are jealous because the Creator has eyes only for His bride, His created one, His chosen delight. His great desire is that the spell would be broken and you would see yourself through His eyes. Beautiful.

* full of awe or reverence

** awesome, wondrous, miraculous, astonishing, amazing, astounding, phenomenal, extremely fine, excellent